like the gin blossoms song, one of my favorite 90's bands, i find that jealously can consume one's life. what happens when you like someone that you shouldn't.
for example, one of my many tragedies of love. paco.
we met randomly in 2008 when i graduated college and was trying to break away from being your stereotypical sorority skank. i didn't want to be that college girl anymore, so i tried to stay away from my judgmental girlfriends and hung out with my little cousin arianne. and that's how i met lloyd and paco. sitting upstairs in a disgusting bedroom that hadn't been cleaned in years jamming out to the guitar, playing lovesick melodies that reeled me in and made me want more.
sure he didn't have the look. long hair, a ginger, sloppy clothes, all of which i ended up encouraging him to change, but for some reason he was an escape from the polo ridden guys i was used to.
but to cut to the point, we have had the longest love/hate relationship of anyone i know. first he likes me, then he dates someone else, then we are friends/cuddle buddies where he practically lives at my house, then we hate each other again, then i have a boyfriend and he is starving for my attention and now its back to the longing again. when he plays everlong on guitar it melts my heart.
but why!!??!!
for crying out loud i shouldn't like him!
he is supposed to be my best friend, and yet i can't help but feel all those feelings again, sending me right back to 2008. jealous of every girl that blows up his facebook, and texts his phone. i mean really?!
i can't stand it. sure i've tried to have distractions, but i can't get any good ones, and once i do they end up duds. guys that are not worth the time to even get drunk with.
so now i face this jealously first hand, eating at me when i'm lonely or drunk. i need jealously to go away. i need it to find a new home besides me and let me find some man candy to indulge in before i lose my mind!!
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