everyone's addicted to...

so i have come to the conclusion that no one likes me.
i'm not sure why. i am going to test my theory with the following.
right now i am a size 12. i have a big ass butt and hips and none of my clothes fit the way i want them too.
so in an effort to change myself i am going to a weight loss center with my aunt on thursday. if the pills they are going to give us work, i will begin to lose weight. and if i am right, i am going to get some new found attention from guys.
so we will see if size really does matter.
and further more, if i do get some new attention from guys, will that mean i'm not really supposed to be with him?

blending.

wow. where did the weekend go. so fast. it seems that everyday just blends together lately. i just want to find out if i am going to get in cosmetology school. i feel like my life is in limbo. i feel like i am hanging on strings like a marionette doll and someone keeps tugging on me.
i am weighing everything so heavy on talking with him again. i know he is busy. he has so much going on. so many million more things than me. custody of the kids, making their rooms, shopping for them, parenting classes, regular classes and his recovery. what do i have?
i used to have so much. i used to have school, work and sorority. friends, stuff to do. now i have nothing.
blending.
i just want to belong to something again. i always feel this way. i always feel like i want to belong to something again. something i am forced to do. work, school or both.
i keep hoping that when arianne comes home that things will get back to normal and i will have things to do again. but i can't just hope that she is going to solve all my problems haha.
i need to solve my own.

addicted

some addictions that i can't live without recently...

slim jims (OMG, I CAN'T FREAKING STOP EATING THEM!!!)
sweet tea
the secret life of the american teenager
felicity
scrambled eggs
rolling stone magazine
viva la juicy
forever sunshine bath and body works spray
leftover boy bodywash :0)

finally!!!

okay well i finally moved out of my stinky little house on main. sad all the memories that i had there are just memories now. but it is time to start again and try to make new ones.
it's amazing how a place can make you feel. a place that you have been and you walk in the room and you can just see your friends sitting on the couch that used to be in the corner. the posters and photos that used to hang on the wall. or walk in the bathroom and see you and your love fighting over the sink, or smiling cause they want to jump in the shower too.
but now i have to start fresh, stay on track, make new goals and most important new memories. and i'm sure i will. i have a long road ahead, and now less than a month til i am the big 28!!
a new time to start over and make this what i have been trying to make for 3 years, the best year ever.
i know i can do it, i got through this difficult day, i know i can make it through the next one :)

let's go ash.

okay, so in spark of me being a total freaking bum today, let's see how much stuff i can get done tomorrow. i got an appointment at a beauty school at 4:30pm and i need to get some shit done, and a lot of shit before that!!
so until then....



GOODNIGHT MOON!!

love, bliss

Coldplay - The Scientist

since i'm feeling blue, i'll sadden it up some more...ahhhh the sad lush.

let's go motivation.

wow. i'm so unmotivated these days. netflix, the couch, being lazy pants. all have caught up with me. not having a job has really gotten to me these days. instead of cleaning out my tahoe of all the things i have not yet moved, i have sat around looking at halloween costumes online and watching felicity.
save me please.
i sit here longing for a text, a phone call from the 1 fucking person i really want to hear from and it doesn't happen. so then i feel more in the dumps. everything was looking up and now i feel like its crashing down again. i'm letting my feelings get the best of me, and i know i shouldn't.
something good needs to happen soon.
please god, send me a sign!!!!