everyone's addicted to...

so i have come to the conclusion that no one likes me.
i'm not sure why. i am going to test my theory with the following.
right now i am a size 12. i have a big ass butt and hips and none of my clothes fit the way i want them too.
so in an effort to change myself i am going to a weight loss center with my aunt on thursday. if the pills they are going to give us work, i will begin to lose weight. and if i am right, i am going to get some new found attention from guys.
so we will see if size really does matter.
and further more, if i do get some new attention from guys, will that mean i'm not really supposed to be with him?

blending.

wow. where did the weekend go. so fast. it seems that everyday just blends together lately. i just want to find out if i am going to get in cosmetology school. i feel like my life is in limbo. i feel like i am hanging on strings like a marionette doll and someone keeps tugging on me.
i am weighing everything so heavy on talking with him again. i know he is busy. he has so much going on. so many million more things than me. custody of the kids, making their rooms, shopping for them, parenting classes, regular classes and his recovery. what do i have?
i used to have so much. i used to have school, work and sorority. friends, stuff to do. now i have nothing.
blending.
i just want to belong to something again. i always feel this way. i always feel like i want to belong to something again. something i am forced to do. work, school or both.
i keep hoping that when arianne comes home that things will get back to normal and i will have things to do again. but i can't just hope that she is going to solve all my problems haha.
i need to solve my own.